Parenthood & Personal Responsibility

As a parent, sometimes many times you have to "make the call". You decide to do this activity instead of that one because it's better for your children. Sometimes you do the irresponsible thing because you need a break.

Note: I wasn't involved. I wasn't there. I just heard the story from a few people.

I have one student who decided to go to a ghetto house party, and brought her three (yes, THREE) children with her! The children varied in age from almost two to six years old.

Now the party started around ten, so she got there around nine. When they were tired (after 11PM), she put them in another apartment on another floor to sleep, and went on partying.

She had a few drinks (shots of liquor), a few laughs in the hallway, and soon enough she was drunk and throwing up all over the place. Then the next usual phase of drunkiness is... passing out.

So now it's a few hours after midnight, and the party is winding down (because the police have already been called in 10-12 times for various reason, including two near-fights. Someone has to take this this person home, AND HER KIDS!! Someone gets someone with a ride, they get her and her kids in, the start driving, and... she's so passed out drunk, no one can figure out where she lives!

So, someone decides to take her home, let her sober up and in the morning she can pick herself up (and her kids) and get home.

When they get there, she, of course, vomits some more. The kids don't like sleeping in a strange place, so two cry for a while. One kid is hungry, so someone gets him something to eat. They can't find any diapers for the little one, because the diaper bag was left in the party spot.

In the morning, she wakes up feeling awkward (of course) because she's in a strange place, her kids are laying around. She's in someone's bed, there's vomit stains on the sheets, she's hung over, her clothes are sweaty and messy, the kids are hungry... "disarray" is a good word for the situation.

Now, does she get upset at herself for putting herself in this situation? NO!

She blames the party host, because "she should have taken care of me". Why not? The host threw the party, bought the alcohol, and should have been responsible for the people in the party, right?

There's all this drama going on now because, of course this is like junior high school and everyone has to take a side, and little threats are getting thrown around left and right.

She takes absolutely NO fault in any of this, EXCEPT that she "trusted an irresponsible so-and-so" (read "so-and-so" as any number of curses she spat).

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!! This is a requirement for parents!!! Didn't she get the memo? Didn't someone tell her? She's making decisions for herself AND her kids? That sometimes you have to sacrifice for them? It's not all about you?

Sometimes you just have to say "I messed up. This is my fault. Let make sure this never happens again."