Stress

Stress is like cigarettes. It takes a LONG time to kill you. In the meantime, you get to go bald, lose you sight, gain weight, develop heart problems, etc.. yay!

Wouldn't it be cool if when your stress level hits a certain amount, POP! you just explode? Done, no hair loss, no heart problems... just a nice, quiet, peaceful rest.

No constant questions, no one pulling your arm, no one complaining that you're ignoring their 47th question.

Man! I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds sweet.

I tried!

I tried. I really tried! But it's hard not to comment on/about some of these students. It's almost as if they're trying to get on a reality show.

So I have this student... WHO MISSPELLED HER OWN NAME!! How in the world do you misspell your own name?

Okay, you might do by accident. But I pointed it out to her AND SHE STILL DIDN'T REALIZE! I had to point it out THREE TIMES! And then she said "Oh! You're right. I always get that wrong."

Yes, she said "I always get that wrong." HER. OWN. NAME.

Just kill me now. I'm ready.

UGH!

I really, really, REALLY hate stupidity. I love innocence, naivete, childishness, gullibility... But stupidity!? ARRRRG! It drives me up a wall. And people who are stupid "on purpose"... WOOOO! I might have to call in sick the next day.

Now you might be asking "What does he mean by 'stupidity'? No one is born knowing everything." No, I don't mean a person who doesn't know something. That would be ignorance, in the true sense of the word.

Stupidity is when a person KNOWS, has the mental capacity, the information skill set... to figure something out, but doesn't USE it. They don't grow mentally, they don't seem to want to move on from where they are. Sometimes they ask questions to see if you'll give the same answer. Sometimes they ask the same questions to see if they get more than what they're already getting. Sometimes they'll ask the same question as if the information "didn't stick".

"How do I make something bold?" I show the student how to do it. They ask how to save the file. I show her. Somehow, she erases the file, and we start again. She again asks how to bold some text. I show her. She again asks how to save the file. I save it for her, explaining the steps. She calls me over about a minute later because she can't find the file. Yes, she somehow erased it again. We start a new document. Yes, again, she asks how to bold, and, again, how to save the file. Now this is someone who has a "pimped out" MySpace page, a Facebook page, a SideKick (on which she gets text messages all the time), etc.. and she says she figured that out all by herself. So she's not incapable of learning to use computers and technology, so how can she not learn how to bold and save a file?

"Stupidity On Purpose"

If she doesn't have a finished resume, she can't be sent on interviews, and won't have to go back to work, and can stay in this program longer. Not looking at the long-run, it's benefits her to be stupid. But in the long-run, what happens? A learns about a job opening that she REALLY wants (great pay, great location, rubbing elbows with celebrities...), she rushes, RUSHES, to complete her resume. BAM! Done in minutes. BUT!!! She also needs to have a GED. She's been jerking around for months because she didn't want to be forced to get a job. She wants to be sent THIS WEEKEND to take the GED test, BUT 1. she's not ready because she hasn't been doing the work, and 2. the next possible test date is more than two weeks away. She gets upset blames everyone else. She blames me because if I had helped her, she would have had time to study instead of working on her resume for weeks. She blames her basic education teacher because she didn't give her more subjects to study, instead of focusing on fractions and percents (note: she never finished even ONE assignment)

Sometimes people are stupid on purpose, sometimes they're just stupid without putting in any effort at all.

Retention.

It's a very important thing. VERY.

You've heard the phrase "In one ear and out the other". Well, I have a student who is a perfect example of that. Check this out:

me: Sign your name here.
her: What do you want me to do?
me: Sign your name.
her: Where?
me: Right here. where it says 'sign'.
her: Do I sign my name?
me: Yes, your name.
(she's looking at the sign-in sheet for 20 seconds)
her: I don't understand.
me: What don't you understand?
her: What am I supposed to do with this?
me: Sign your name.
her: OH! Okay.
(she signs her name and stares at the sign-in sheet)
her: Okay, now what?
me: What do you mean?
her: What do i do now? Do I keep this?
me: No, it's a sign in sheet. It's for everyone to sign.
her: So what about me?
me: Huh?
her: Where do I sign?
me: Didn't you just sign it?
her: No, someone signed next to my name!
me: Let me see.
(I look at the sign-in sheet and see her name there.)
me: Isn't this your name?
her: Yeah, but I someone must have signed my name.
me: That's not your signature?
her: It looks like it. But when did I sign it? Yesterday?
me: I just saw you signing in a few minutes ago.
her: Oh, I did? I don't remember.
me: Okay, well I'm positive that was you.
her: Alright, if you say so.
(she's standing there, just looking at me)
me: Do you need something?
her: Yeah! What do I do with this now?
(she's holding out the sign-in sheet)
me: Just put it down, so the next person can sign in.
her: Then what?
me: Have a seat.
her: But what do I do with this paper?
me: Just leave it.
her: I don't get it. You want me to have a seat? Where's the teacher?
me: I'm the teacher.
her: OH! I thought someone else was going to teach.
me: I'm the only person who teachers computer class.
her: Isn't there someone else? A lady with a hat?
me: No. Just me.
her: Are you sure?
me: I'm positive. Just have a seat.
her: Should I take this to the office?
me: The sign-in sheet? No, just leave it on the table.
her: But someone signed next to my name!
me: That was you.
her: Are you sure?
me: Yes. I saw you.
her: I don't get it.

Yes, this is for real! Not an exaggeration. Not a nightmare. Not a screenplay.

Please... kill me.

Sometimes... I just want to hit myself.

How does someone take a typing test and get a zero? ZERO words per minute. You have have to absolutely hit not one key the whole time! If you typed 2 words, TWO WORDS, in two minutes, that be one word. I bet if you typed half word, they'd round up to one! DAAAAAAMN!

AGH! I want to scream.

Zero. zero words per minute. Un-flippin-believable.

"What does that mean?"

Today, a student asked me for some email assistance. She said "Would you know why this attachment won't open?" It was some attachment to an email from Nigeria. Someone wanted to send her "a large sums of cash money" (actual quote). She hadn't read the email, so we both laughed when I read that line. (Hint: she obviously knows a bit about the internet and email if she knew about this scam.)

I told her that whatever the attachment was, it was probably wasn't good since it was attached to THIS email. Then I explained why an attachment wouldn't open: "Maybe it looks like it's not opening but is, as in the case of a virus. Or, the computer doesn't recognize what type of file it is." She mentioned something about never having this problem when opening other attachments. (Hint: She's opened other email attachments before.)

Then she asked about why these junk emails were sent to her email address. I showed her the "full headers", and all the emails listed in the "to:" box. She said "Ahh, I usually have that option set on my home computer, so I can see who sent the email and who was receiving it." (Hint: She knows the basics about reading email headers.)

Now here comes the purpose of this post...

Then, she says "For example, what about this email?" She clicks on an email, and reads the subject, "It says 'Let me bang you tonite'. What does that mean?" I'm thinking "How can she not know what that means?" and I realize, she does know. She just wanted me to "explain" it.

Ah, yes, one of the "great" experiences of being a teacher... the flirt.

I say "Well, I think that's a post for an adult website. You know.. sex." She says "Oh, really? Wow. I wonder what it says?" I reply "It's best to just delete those, as they're usually infested with pop-ups and viruses."

Seriously... I mean, COME ON! "What does that mean?"

The Famous Student-Teacher Crush

As a teacher, sometimes an uncomfortable situations arise, such as when a student develops a crush on you. Most often it's because you're in a position of authority and they are confuse that with liking you. There is never a circumstance that one should allow his/herself to get involved with the student. The best thing to do is, recognize the situation, do nothing to feed into it and continue teaching.

Recently, I had a student who seemed to be enamored with me. As usual, I tried my best not to do anything to feed into it, but still be my usual self. I felt bad for her because I think she realized that a relationship could not happen, and was depressed. It was evident that something was wrong. She no longer dressed up and seemed generally "down". She did not have a boyfriend, and wanted someone like me. But no necessarily me. Of course I felt flattered, but my ethics and morals would never allow me to take advantage of such a situation.

She's cheered up recently. I think she might have met someone on MySpace.

Sorry, I haven't posted in a (long) while, but I just didn't have any "zest" left. I'll be back soon with some more stories.

Meanwhile, here's something I found online that relates to my blog:

10 things your IT guy wants you to know

1. If you ask me technical questions please don’t argue with me because you don’t like my answer. If you think you know more about the topic, why ask? And if I’m arguing with you…it’s because I am positive that I am correct, otherwise I’d just say “I don’t know” or give you some tips on where to look it up, I don’t have the time to just argue for the sake of it.
2. Starting a conversation by insulting yourself (i.e. “I’m such an idiot”) will not make me laugh, or feel sorry for you; all it will do is remind me that yes, you are an idiot and that I am going to hate having to talk to you. Trust me; you don’t want to start a call that way.
3. I am ok with you making mistakes, fixing them is my job. I am not ok with you lying to me about a mistake you made. It makes it much harder to resolve and thus makes my job more difficult. Be honest and we can get the problem resolved and continue on with our business.
4. There is no magic “Fix it” button. Everything takes some amount of work to fix, and not everything is worth fixing or even possible to fix. If I say that you just need to re-do a document that you accidentally deleted 2 months ago, please don’t get mad at me. I’m not ignoring your problem, and it’s not that I don’t like you, I just cant always fix everything.
5. Not everything you ask me to do is “urgent”. In fact, by marking things as “urgent” every time, you almost ensure that I treat none of it as a priority.
6. You are not the only one who needs help, and you usually don’t have the most urgent issue. Give me some time to get to your problem, it will get fixed.
7. Emailing me several times about the same issue in the same day is not only unnecessary, it’s highly annoying. Emails will stay until I delete them, I won’t delete them until I’m done with them. I will typically respond as soon as I have a useful update. If it is an urgent issue, let me know (see number 5).
8. Yes, I prefer email over telephone calls. It has nothing to do with being friendly, it’s about efficiency. It is much faster and easier for me to list out a set of questions that I need you to answer than it is for me to call and ask you them one by one. You can find the answers at your leisure and while I’m waiting I can work on other problems.
9. Yes, I seem blunt and rude. It’s not that I mean to, I just don’t have the time to sugar coat things for you. I assume we are both adults and can handle the reality of a problem. If you did something wrong, I will tell you. I don’t care that it was a mistake, because it really makes no difference to me. Don’t take it personal, I just don’t want it to happen again.
10. And finally, yes, I can read your email, I can see what web pages you look at while you are at work, yes, I can access every file on your work computer, and I can tell if you are chatting with people on an instant messenger or chat room (and can also read what you are typing). But no, I don’t do it. It’s unethical, I’m busy, and in all reality you aren’t all that interesting. So unless I am instructed to specifically monitor or investigate your actions, I don’t. There really are much more interesting things on the internet than you.

10 Signs That You May Be "Ghetto"

1. You go to work/school in a dingy, stained and/or stretched out t-shirt.
2. Your eyes are red and watery when you walk in for the morning AND after lunch.
3. You come back from a long lunch, carrying your lunch, to eat at your desk... and it's from a diner across the street.
4. You see nothing wrong with announcing to everyone that you have "the f#@%in' munchies REAL BAD!"
5. You walked 30 blocks to get "fried scrimps" (yes, "scrimps")
   
6. You see nothing wrong with wearing flip flops all day long.
7. You fart, loudly, then announce you may have "the shits".
8. You talk to your "man" on speaker phone and he says he'll bring you a little "shumtin-shumtin to shmoke" at lunch, and you don't think anyone knows what that meant.
9. You hair is wrapped in a doo-rag, everyday, in the same 2-3 dirty doo-rags you own.
10. While claiming to not have any money to pay your Con Ed bill, you're waving your freshly done nails in the air which have actual money enameled on them AND your just got your hair done the night before.
    

OOOOOH MAN!

Sometimes, I just can't deal with the bullshit. I have a supervisor (a few steps up hierarchy) who is annoying as one can get.

Let me start off by saying she is a very nice, pleasant, cordial person.

That said, she is also very annoying. She is passive-aggressive, sneaky and is completely unprepared to supervise people on subjects she has ZERO knowledge about. She'll question about the merits of what and how I'm teaching (computers) while 1. knowing VERY little about computers, and 2. NEVER having taught anyone, at anytime, about any subject... EVER.

And, she is frustrating as hell.

She will ask you a simple question, you'll give a simple answer, and she'll twist you answer into a tapestry of insane, mind-bending paths. I once went from talking about a memo, to an upcoming meeting, to which coworker is in my room, to what's going on at the moment, to why there's a typo on a handout, to insinuations of hiding something, to thanking me for all my hard work, to questions about coworkers, to "Okay, well have a nice day."

She once asked me to send her some photos of my students, then asked me if I had a signed release form for each student, because "You HAVE to have a signed release form to use their likeness in a photo." I replied that, of course I did. "But that form doesn't mention use on the Internet, so do you have an updated photo release form." So I create a new form, send her a copy, and get the students to sign them. Then, she tells me, "Don't use that new form, because
we have to make sure it goes through the legal department." So I ask when she'll send out the that new form. She says she's not sure, but not to expect it anytime soon BECAUSE LEGAL DEPARTMENT IS STILL REVIEWING THE FORM SHE SENT THEM A MONTH AGO. So I ask "Well why would you ask for photos knowing you can't use them because we don't have a proper 'legal' form?" She then claims she thought I already had it, while at the same time admitting she would have gotten it first for a final review! So now I feel like a schmuck for putting in all that effort into something she knew she couldn't use.

It's times like this, that the supervisors need supervising.

Been away for a while, needed some time to let some of these stories... "marinate", because sometimes, even I don't believe they happen.

Well, I have a few MySpace stories for you. Here's one:

The other day, one of my students asked me to help her post a new picture on her page (she didn't know how), so as I'm walking her through the process... "Ok, now click 'browse'... Switch to the CD drive..." I see a couple of pictures of her son, she scrolls down, and... BAM! The "private" pictures.

The first is a VERY close-up shot of her rear (in panties). I saw "...uh.." She says "Oh, I'm sorry, those are personal."

Now, at this point, you're thinking the average person is going to scroll away from the pictures. No, she continues to scroll down.

I moved a bit back from the screen, as to not be all up in her pictures, but I see one that might be boobs, another where she's completely nude... and I'M RIGHT THERE! HOW ABOUT WAITING UNTIL I COMPLETELY MOVE AWAY TO CHECK OUT YOUR NUDIE PICTURES!!! DAMN!

I'm trying to give her some space, but she's still asking me what the next step is.

The definition of "ghetto"

Every now and then, we get students who "don't know how to act". Anything can set them off, a look, a bump, a comment, sometimes... even an overheard giggle.

So a new crop of students just came in, and one of the "newbies" was bumped. CODE RED!! CODE RED!!

So, she felt slighted. So she, of course, gave the offender a stare and muttered a few obvious comments to her friend. That set off the next attack, a threat. The offended girl (who also happens to be four months pregnant) says "I'll cut that bitch! I don't give a shit!"

Now threats are THE first step to getting kicked out. That's crossing the line. There HAS to be a talk, and the result of that talk better be good, or else you're out.

So after an initial talk, the two students were brought together to to quash any and all remaining problems... and YES, you are correct! More threats.

It basically ended with "If you weren't pregnant, I'd do you right now!" The pregnant girl replied with THE very definition of ghetto....

"So forget I'm pregnant, and let's do this then!"

Oh man! Two fiery women, a knife and an unborn baby. That's beginning of hot television drama.

I'm not stupid...

This one student came in late today. About an hour and a half late. Then she wanted to go get coffee! She was told that she can't come in late, THEN go get breakfast. (She does this often). We told her that next time, she should pick up her food and then she'll be 5-10 minutes later.

So we let her go get coffee. She takes 10-15 minutes going and coming back. Then she sits outside the computer lab for another 5 minutes drinking it. She takes a look around, doesn't want to do what we're doing, says she needs to stop in the fron office real quick. Another 5 minutes. Then walks in the lab, trying to sneak in her coffee (no drinks allowed at the computers). Finally sits down, gets herself settled, sits for MAYBE 5 minutes, gets up with cell phone in hand, goes to the hallway saying "This is about my child.", and spends another 5-10 minutes talking on her cell. Comes back in and BARELY does any work. Asks what time she can go to lunch. Looks at the attendance book, fills out an excuse memo for the afternoon (because she has to leave early), gets up (hat and coat on) complaining about how hot the lab is. She says she's "getting some fresh air", and leaves.

It's not even 11:30 yet.

She was here for less than an hour, but then wants to get credit for being here all morning. Sorry, that's not how it works.

I saw (and noted) everything she did. I'm not stupid, I just let you think I am. I believe in giving people "enough rope to hang themselves".

Oh, and she also came back from lunch 25 minutes late, and tried to say she was with another teacher the whole time. WHAT-EVER!

Quick quiz, re: Diss Cussing

That's not a typo. It's not about discussing, it's about dissing and cussing.

Let's say you're on the phone and you forget where you are. First, you start talking a little loud. Then you start cursing. It usually begins with one. Then another, and another. Before long, you're cursing like a drunken sailor, after someone looked at him the wrong way, after his boss just told him off.

Someone finally says something to you, like "Maybe you should take that call outside?"

What do you do?

Do you:

A) Say, "Oh! I didn't realize... I'm sorry.", leave quickly, and finish your call outside.
or
B) Cut your call quickly, a bit embarrassed at your unprofessional and discourteous behavior.
or
C) Give the person a dirty yet questioning look, as if they were some alien, and say "What the hell is your problem? Who is you to say anything to me?", suck your teeth, and continue your call as if nothing ever happened.

If you answered A... you are probably someone who, while considerate enough to realize you may be bothering those around you, is not worried about what they really think of you.

If you answered B... you are probably someone who cares about what those around you think of you, such as co-workers and superiors; and you don't want to project an unprofessional aura.

If you answered C... you're probably too ghetto to even be reading this. And if you are, you probably STILL don't get it, and are dissing me, OUT LOUD, right this minute, even though this is the Internet. You probably even called over an even louder friend who is sucking his/her teeth and telling you "not to worry about it" because I'm some punk who would probably be too afraid to say it to your face. (sprinkle with cursing, for "authenticity")

Yes, I'm back.

I've been away for a while. Work is sometimes so stressful that when something happens, I just too "spiritually" drained to post about it.

I'm hoping to post on a regular basis from now on. Pray for me. The Devil is crushing my soul. And by "The Devil", I mean "My students".

(TOO Many) Big Women Need Lovin'

A lot of my students have been signing up to online profile sites/networking/social communities, such as: MySpace, Hi5, Friendster, BlackPlanet, MiGente, etc.. And, I normally don't mind, they're adults.

But... recently, I caught a few of them on more... "adult" sites, such as: OnlineBootyCall.com, Lavalife.com, AdultFriendFinder, etc.. and some of their posts are raunchy!

One student posted that she just wanted sex, "I just want to have sex. So, what's up? If you're not down to hit it and split it... forget it." I'm paraphrasing here because the actual posting was much more graphic.

Another was describing, in detail, how she would perform oral sex on a guy.

Another was describing, again, in detail (ugh), exactly what and how she wanted the guy to perform on/to/in... her!

There are way too many big, nasty and... big and nasty women out there looking for a booty call.

For those of you out there that are into anonymous booty calls and don't really care what the woman looks like... step up your game! You're needed out there!

"Thanks for What?"

I have to give thanks. Thanks for not being related in ANY way to my students.

I have one student (let's call her Agatha) who said that at one family meal she prepared, she poisoned the food! Why, you ask... Her reasoning:

"I was mad at my first baby daddy's mother and her man. They always be disrespecting me in my own home! Talking shit about me in front of my baby and my man! And, he don't be saying nothing either so fuck him too! My baby is five months old. She don't need to be hearing people talk shit about her momma. So I poisoned their food! Not enough to kill them, just enough to make them sick. And they got sick! I hate all their stupid asses!"

And yes, Agatha's still with that guy. And supposedly, the "baby daddy's mother", although she doesn't know Agatha poisoned her, has "calmed down."

I have another student who is a "big girl", tall, tough, athletic... and ghetto. She told me that her boyfriend hit her "Fo' no reason! I jus' said his ass should get a job. And I said it all respeckful, not disrespeck.. at.. all!" So she waited until he fell asleep, then hit him in the head with a frying pan, then punched him as he stumbled to get up, and once he was on the floor, she started kicking him until he gave up! She said he was all bruised and bloody, and made him sleep on the floor, so "he didn't mess up the sheets with his blood".

Yes, she's still with him too.

I just want to give thanks that I don't have to deal with that.

"There are no stupid questions..."

What a load of BS that is...

Whoever said that phrase either a) doesn't know what they're talking about, or b) was lying to someone.

Today I had this one student who could not, simply COULD NOT, stop asking questions about every little thing, even something I had just explained twice... slowly. Also, she kept saying "I just don't understand what you're saying." I'm wondering, if she meant she couldn't hear me properly, or if she didn't understand what I was talking about. Even she didn't know.

I think she has some kind of learning disability, because I had her write out the names of the people in her family (spouse, children, siblings, parents...) When I look at her screen, I only see two children, and I know she had recently mentioned having three or four. I asked "You only have two children?" At first she says "Yea... Oh! wait." and types in another name. The she says "I forgot my daughter." I'm thinking "What kind of shit is that?" When she suddenly shouts out "Oh! And my son!" and types in another name!

Okay, whatever...

A little while later, she's getting frustrated doing something on her computer, and says "These computers don't work! Excuse me, Mr. Teacher, do ANY of these computers work properly?" (heavy on the sarcastic bite)

I asked what was wrong, she says "Why can't I open my resume on this computer?! These computers are cheap!"

I go over to help her open her resume. I look on the floppy, no resume. I look on the hard drive (sometimes they just save to "My Documents" instead of switching to the floppy drive), nothing. I asked if she saved the file. "Yeah, I'm not stupid. I know how to use a computer!" I open MS Word, look at the recent documents, I still don't see anything.

I ask if she's sure she saved it. She says "I never said it was here. It's on my computer at home." My head is about to explode at this point! I just look at her wondering if I can get the last five minutes of life back, when she says "What? I thought the internet connected all the computers in the world."

All I could do was stare into the abyss.

So, yes... not only do stupid questions exist, but so do stupid people.

Funny Blog

Anonymous Educator

I just found this. It's a blog by a teacher. A funny read.

The Corner Seat

Many times a student will sit in the far back corner of the room, and then they perform the tell-tale sign... they turn the screen, so it's angled away from the next student's view.

This is a sure sign that they're looking at porn. What the students don't know is that I can view their screen through the network.

This one student, she swears her teacher gave has permission to sit in the lab and do some work. But... She angles the monitor. (Sign 1) She never picks up the papers she's working on. (Sign 2) She's a bit hunched over, face close to the monitor (Sign 3) She's constantly looking either at me or at whoever walks in the room (Sign 4)

and when you have two of them together in the back, they become more obvious about it, like giggle and lean over to see each other's screen. (Sign 5)

So I "look" at her screen, and what do I see her searching for online? "Suck Horse Cock" (sorry about the language)

That's what I have to deal with. Not only do I have to tell her that she can't do that, but alsonot let on that I can view her screen through the network. Don't you just envy my job?