"That's not a problem, is it?"

The other day, I come back to my lab, and I find the Shrimp (another teacher) in the lab, getting ready for his class. He says "Hey," in a casual manner, yet he's acting slightly nervous. As I sit down at my computer, he says "Oh, I had a problem logging in with the default profile, so I used our teacher's login. That's not a problem, is it?"

The default login has extra security to avoid students damaging the computers, changing the settings, installing programs/spyware, etc.. The teacher's login has more lower security settings, to allow the teachers to demonstrate certain actions/settings/etc.. via the projector. This is done purposely because many times in the past, our computers have gotten to the point where they either no longer worked, or had to be completely wiped and restored, which takes a lot of time and effort.

So when the Shrimp, having complained of damaged computers in the past, asks me if it's a problem that students use the teacher's login, I naturally say "Yes." He then proceeds to tell me, "Oh, well I only did that because I couldn't login in with the default profile." Which is total BS. I replied "That's funny because before I stepped out a few minutes ago, I had them all logged in. Couldn't have been more than twenty minutes ago."

The Shrimp starts to get a panicked look in his eye, and says "Uh... yeah, really? Wow... That IS weird. But it's not a problem is it?" I said "Yes, it is. But if you want to.. ." He quickly answers "Ok, great!" Then I add "Sure, as long as you take full responsibility for whatever happens, then that's your decision. Just remember to log off, and make sure everything is alright at the end of class." Of course he didn't do anything I said, because the next day, all those computers were still logged in with the teacher's login. And, on one computer, someone had installed a bunch of Yahoo's applications (Messenger, Mail, Companion, etc..), AOL Instant Messenger, a few games, as well as a bunch toolbars and other spyware.

The Shrimp ticks me off sometimes. Scratch that, make it "a lot of the time".

PS. Another student told me that she doesn't like the way he teaches. She said when he's not talking loud, he's yelling. And that he looks like a hyperactive chihuahua. It made me feel better about my dislike of him.

"Guys are always hitting on me."

I have a co-worker (let's call her "Shirley") who is always telling me how guys hit on her. On the way home, at the laudromat, on line at the supermarket, in her ob-gyn's reception room... She once told me that some guy was hitting on her in an ER waiting room while she was going into labor!

Now, personally, I don't think she's sexy, hot or sensuous. She's married and has children, and is a bit overweight. Maybe there's something about her that certain guys like. I don't know. But I can't imagine guys throwing themselves at her feet almost everyday. Maybe now and then, but not as often as she says. She just recently told me that some teenager offered to buy her a customized SUV... knowing that she's married... and he's not rich... and he's a distant cousin or something... and her husband was there.

Even if so many guys are throwing themselves at her, why does she need to talk about it so often? I'm not interested in her. It's not like co-workers are always talking about people hitting on them.

Food and drinks, pt. 2

So, I have dealt with "Lola". And she seems to have listened. But I have another student, let's call her "Greasey", who is always, always, ALWAYS, eating in the lab. She sneaks a chip, or a cookie, or something all the time. And the thing is, she makes noise as she reaches into her bag. And everytime, EVERYTIME, I tell her that she can't eat at the computer, she says the same thing, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know." The last time, I told her, "I know you don't know, but you have to stop eating at the computers."

I've even told her that I can hear her, I've walked up behind her and "caught" her. Once, she came in eating fried chicken out of a brown paper bag, that was DRIPPING with grease. She pulls her handoutand it's greasy and covered with chicken bits. So she sucks her fingers "clean" and says "Oh, I'd never make a mess at your computers." Riiiight.

I had to ask, "How can you possibly NOT make a mess while eating that chicken?" She replied, "See? My hands are clean." The proceeded to suck the last of the chicken bits off her fingers.

"Yeah, that's it... I think I'm done."

Not everyone can teach. It's not just about the teaching, it's all the "little things" outside of the job description.

Recently, a teacher here has been saying how she's fed up with teaching, and how she's "not cut out for this". Her students have really been acting up and getting on her nerves. I've told her not to take it to heart, but that's easier said than done. Sometimes the students behave really disrespectful and can be very inconsiderate, but you can't sink down to that level.

Today, one student just got up, in the middle of class, and made a phone call to see if her glasses were ready. Another had a conversation on her cell phone, a LONG conversation, while the teacher was explaining something, THEN complained the teacher was going too fast. You can't win, so why fight? Just realize that sometimes people don't want to learn.

Food and drinks.

In my lab, as in 99.99999997% of computer labs around the world, I don't allow food or drinks at the computers. That's just plain common sense. But so many of my students decide that they are "grown" enough that they can do whatever they want.

They other day, I heard someone pop open a soda can, I turn and see a student (let's call her "Lola") drinking a soda while at her computer. Before I can say anything, she says "Mister, I'm a grown-ass woman. I can eat my food and not make a mess." I replied, "What if your son said 'I'm big enough to eat my dinner in bed and not make a mess.' What would you say?" She quickly said "No, because he WILL drop food." I said "By accident or on purpose?" Lola looked at me, got up and walked to a nearby table that I have just for that reason. I said "I'm not trying to be a tyrant, but accidents happen. I've had more than five keyboards get messed up in the past year because of food and drinks being spilled on them. All accidents. That's why you should be 'grown' enough to eat where 'grown' people are supposed to eat, not wherever your 'grown' self KNOWS you shouldn't eat."

Lola just smiled, and said "I'm still a grown-ass woman." So I ended it with "If the computer gets messed up, will your 'grown-ass' self pay to fix it?" She didn't have to answer, we both knew.

Familiarity.

Sometimes, when you work in a close enviornment and you're a nice person and try to make people feel at ease, those people feel an openess with you. They get familiar with you, sometimes a little TOO familiar.

The other day I was having a conversation with another teacher, when a student walked by and "insinuated" herself into our conversation. She just jumped in, "Oh! No, you can't do that. I think we should...." I was a bit shocked, not because she jumped into our conversation, but because of the way she did it. She was speaking as if she were a co-worker, "WE should". And she was making suggestions that were more like directions from someone in charge.

I kept trying to turn it around to "Well, I think the manager will..." or, "What your teacher will probably do is..." But she kept in with "No, I told her that we should..." And it wasn't in a bossy manner, it was truly as if she felt like she was a co-worker.

I also heard that she was doing the same with other people. I heard she had made herself a copy of the staff phone list. Another co-worker saw her and said "You're not supposed to have that." and she replied "Oh, this is just so I can have it. Don't worry, it's not like I'll be calling you on weekends or something."

TOO familiar.

"I'm just sitting here."

Today I was going over Microsoft Excel. And as I'm walking around to help a student, another student (let's call her "Beeker") is sitting in front of her computer with no programs open, just the desktop. So I ask, "You okay?" She says "Yeah, I'm just sitting here." and she continues to stare blankly into the infinite void of the wallpaper. (excuse the creative poetry) Or, at least that's how it looked. I said "Ok." and continued on. I already know what's up.

When I went back to the board, she's busy at her keyboard again. Then, as I walk over to help another student, Beeker turns her screen so I can't see what she's doing.

She was looking at some "profile" websites, and e-mailing some of them.

After class, I walk over to her, and say "I need you to pay attention in class, not try to meet someone online, you're here to learn." She says "I know, I was just sitting there. I'm tired. Besides, I already know all this."

And just the week before, she asked me to help her make a spreadsheet for her portfolio. And I know, she'll ask again in a few days. Better yet, she'll probably say I didn't help her. I can't wait.

"Ooh! Let me help!"

What's worse than a student who doesn't pay attention? One that pays too much attention.

I was about to start a lesson, when one student told me that she wanted to help me. She'd work the computer (hooked up to a projector) while I explained at the board. As I explained, I had to help her focus on what I was doing, instead of going ahead of the lesson. At one point, I asked her to list some names, she listed a few names of her classmates. When I asked to list a certain pay rate, she listed a different amount. I asked her to change it, she didn't. I asked again, maybe she didn't hear me. She looks up and says "I can't, that's my friend."

I said, "Ok, but we're doing a lesson. we need to have the same numbers." She replied, ""But that's not fair, she has three kids! I'm NOT going to underpay her. She needs that money."

I was amazed (once again)

I had to ACTUALLY say "It's not real money." Which did almsot nothing, because she replied "I'm not going to do that to her. She's a mother, and she needs it. Why should she have to suffer?" LIKE IT WAS REAL MONEY!!!

Body Odor

One day when I was younger, in my mid-teens, I realized I had a funky underarm smell. I had been playing all day and it suddenly hit me. And, of course, over the years there have been times when I'd forget to put on some deodorant, or would be sweaty, and realize I had B.O. (body odor). I'd run to the bathroom, and wash my armpits with a little soap and water, and if I had a deodrant stashed nearby, I'd put some on. This doesn't always solve the problem (your clothes may have picked up the smell), but it does help.

Sometimes I come across someone who reeks, just REEKS, of B.O. Sometimes it's not even B.O., and I'm scared to even imagine what it might be. Today, I walked by someone who stank like vomit with an underlying B.O. smell. A "combo" if you will. Did this person not realize they smelled? Did it happen on the way to school? Did no one around them at least mention it? There's a bathroom nearby, why not go "freshen up"?

I have a friend who once smelled so bad, he wasn't just funky, he KICKED. And the funny thing was, he didn't realize it. He thought I was making fun of him. Other friends also brought it up, and he then thought we were "all in on it".

ADVICE: If someone tells you that you smell, even if you think it's a joke, just "freshen up" anyway.

"No, Mama." "Yes, Papi."

Why is it that when someone realizes that you speak Spanish, they throw in "Mama", "Mami" or "Papi" into the conversation? I get, and see, a lot of that. "No, Mama, you can't do that. This is how you do it." And non-Spanish speaking people will throw in an Spanish accent. I know this guy who has a heavy accent (not Spanish), and when he says "Mami", he throws in this HEAVY Spanish accent. Even Spanish speaking people will quickly switch accents in mid-sentence. I'm not sure if they're trying to relate, or make a connection, or if they feel they "need to". But sometimes it feels a bit awkward.

Better yet, is when a "non-native" speaker suddenly talks in Spanish in mid-conversation. "So I went to see that new movie I was telling you about, and it was EXCELLENT. But I didn't like the actress. She's... I don't know, too tall or something. Tu sabes? Maybe someone shorter would have been better. Me entiendes? Algien mas bonita."

Just because I speak Spanish, and you have some knowledge of it, doesn't mean you should/could speak it.

"It's just a practice test!"
 
Why do we always have to prove steroetypes to be true? Today I was covering for another teacher, I didn't have to teach anything, just give them a practice exam. Again, a PRACTICE exam. I overheard a few talking about "sharing" their answers. I reminded them that it's just a practice exam, and that the score doesn't really affect them, because it's just a practice for the real test. I also told them that it would help them build confidence.
 
But sure enough, I caught a couple sharing answers. "I was just helping her understand this question." Riiiiiight.
 

At least make an effort

One thing that really bothers me, is after I tell my students the rules and they don't even make an effort while breaking them. Like most computer labs in the world, eating and drinking isn't allowed at the computers. After I told everyone, I know a few might have either forgotten or maybe it just slipped their mind.

The other day, I see someone drinking from a soda bottle and eating chips, I remind her of the rules. She closes her bottle and puts it in her bag, and closes a shopping bag where she had her chips. Not three minutes later, she's eating and drinking again! And it's obvious, because I can hear the fizz of the soda as she opens the bottle, I can hear the crinkling of the bag as she opens it to get another chip, and I can OBVIOUSLY hear the crunch as she's eating the chip. Especially since I'm helping someone RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. So I turn around and remind her that it's not allowed. She says "Oh, sorry." in way that would have seemed sincere if I hadn't just reminded her THREE MINUTES AGO.

Then, not even five minutes after that, I hear those familiar sounds again. Crinkle, crinkle.. Crunch, crunch.. Fsssss.. I was a bit shocked at her boldness. So I again, remind her, this time I add "Damn, at least make an effort to hide it from me." She replied "What do you mean?" Hmmm? What could I have meant by that? I MUST have meant for her to continue eating, but to make sure I couldn't see the Pringles can she was eating from, because not five minutes later she was eating again. I had to tell her to put the bag away, and put her soda on the table at the front of the class, "to avoid temptation". She actually griped about "being treated like a baby." Amazing, simply amazing.

Another gripe I have is when someone is watching a music video on the internet with the volume all the way up. Isn't it obvious that other people can hear it? Especially after I asked you to turn it off. Or how about when, in the middle of class, the student is listening to the music, which I can also hear, and then starts dancing in her seat. And then turns to the student next to her to say "This is my song!", and she says it loud because she's wearing headphones and listening to loud music.

Seriously, if you're going to break a rule, at least make an effort. It only makes you look VERY foolish.

WHAT THE? HUH!

This happened the other day... It was the end of the day, and one of the students (let's call her "Dizzy") had just left the classroom, when she suddenly came back in looking confused. "How do I get out of here?" I wasn't sure what she meant. I thought she might be joking. Another student sardonically asked her, "Remember how you got in here? Then go out the same way." Dizzy was STILL confused. She really didn't know how to get out.

Now Dizzy is a student who has a high school diploma, so she isn't uneducated. She must have learned how to perform reverse logical operations. I was amazed, just... amazed.

I said to her, "Well, you have two options. The ground floor will leave you on X Street, and another floor will leave you on Y Street." She replied "No I don't want to go to Y Street." Then stared at me for a while, and asked "Well how do I get to X Street?" I said "I just told you." Dizzy replied "But you said there's a floor that goes to Y Street." "And right before that, I said the ground floor leaves you on X Street." I explained. Then she said "Are you sure? Because you said Y Street the first time."

The other student, who was working on something, jumped in "No, he said the ground floor, I heard him. Just go to the ground floor. That way." and pointed to the elevator. Dizzy, somehow still not sure, pointed in the SAME direction and asked "This way?" The other student said "Yes. That way." After Dizzy left, she said, "She always like that. She does her classwork, but for everyday things, she's always like... dumb." I didn't want to agree, so I just didn't say anything. I couldn't disagree.

"....ooookay."

What do you say when someone, in what's supposed to be a professional setting, tells you something a little too personal? A student asked me for advice on whether to change her phone number. It turns out her boyfriend/husband was away and is coming home, and she'd been unfaithful during his absence. Now she's worried this "new guy" might keep calling.

She was a bit more detailed in telling me her story. Again, I'm not all innocent and naive, but in a professional situation, you're not your usual "casual self".

I was a little shocked, and when I realized I may have been quiet for a half second too long when she said "Oh, I'm sorry, did I shock you? It's just that I don't want any drama."

"But we have class"

Like 99.5% of all students out there, my students usually like to leave early from classes.... except my class, of course. But today, although they still had one more class to go, I mistakenly told them that they were "done for the day" (after my class).

They complained! "But we have one more class!" "We can't go." "I don't want to cut class!" And then stayed in my classroom until the very last minute!

It was like reverse-psychology/stepford wives experiment gone wrong. Almost like they were doing it on purpose to mess with my mind.

The, in their next class, the teacher told me that they were complaining about the day being long and wanted to leave early. I guess whatever drug affected them wore off.

F$#* THAT! Oops!

There are a few students that I think will have a hard time a) finding a job, or b) keeping a job, because they can't stop cursing. Just today, a student was going to a job fair, and was saying "I don't f#%@ing want to go can change!" So I told her to watch her language. She said "Oh! I'm sorry. It just slipped out." The very next thing she said was loaded with cursing, "Yeah, so now f#@&ing I have to find my shoes."

So I again mentioned her cursing, and that to make sure she doesn't curse in front of the interviewers. She again said "Oops! Sorry." And, sure enough, the next thing out of her mouth was more cursing. "That motherf#$@er better have my sh*t!"

I didn't (couldn't) say anything.

Sometimes I just want to scream.

For the billionth time, I helped a student to fix their resume. It's not helping that bothers me. It's the waiting until last minute, then whining when I'm too busy to sit and help JUST that student.

Today was busy: two computers messing up, a coworker's computer kept shutting and she needed it now, a student is asking for some special training, someone's floppy was messed up (because they took it home, like I always ask them not to), two students wanted previous test scores, while another student wants to tell me about her "excitement this weekend". Then this student, who was here all last week, decides she needs help with her resume now, right now, because she's going to an interview tomorrow (which she knew of since last week).

I help her, and she says "See? That didn't take long. Thanks."

Yuck.

I'm actually surprised this hadn't happened up to this point.

It was the end of the day, when a student raised her hand, her face looking a bit anxious. She asked, "Do you have something to clean up with? I had a little accident." I didn't know what she was talking about, until she stood up. I noticed she had wrapped her sweater around her waist.

There was a brownish stain on her chair. My first thought was she dropped some chocolate, and was about to say "Don't worry, I'll clean it up later." when I realized what it really was. She was menstruating, and it had seeped through her clothes onto the chair. I caught myself in mid-sentence, "Don't wor.... ry, I'm sure they have something in the office." I brought her back some tissues and some spray cleaner, and she got to work. I did not relish the idea of cleaning up someone else's bodily fluids.

Later on, I noticed she didn't fully get the stain, so I CAREFULLY and CAUTIOUSLY sprayed some more cleaner and rubbed at the stain.

This is the kind of thing women are supposed to ask each other for help with. Not a guy. Yuck.

The Shrimp returns

I hate the Shrimp. He just annoys me so. If you don't remember, the Shrimp is another teacher who likes to bad-mouth other teachers and whoever he can, as long as he thinks it'll get him ahead, and a friend told me that he was trying to bad-mouth me in the office.

Well, the other day he came to my lab, he was teaching a class in my lab later that night, so he came in a little early. He tried to act friendly, "So how are things?" "Any computers I should watch out for?" and "By the way, was was your class yesterday?" I didn't know what he was talking about. He replied "Oh, nevermind." What happened was that, although he a little guy, he talks in a very passive-aggressive manner. So he told people in the office that if there are any class without an instructor, that they should go to him automatically. Now normally, I don't care, it's not like I'm going to die if I don't pick up an extra class, but this guy acts like it's "kill or be killed". I've even heard him bad-mouthing new teachers just so he'll end up with their classes. I heard him say that another teacher had a "heavy accent that students have trouble understanding" and that "especially computer basic students need to be able to comprehend what the teacher is saying". So I turned and said "What are you talking about? He doesn't have an accent." The Shrimp quickly said "No, I've sat in his class, and he has an accent when he teaches." The when the coordinator looked at him like he was crazy, he said "Well, maybe it's just me?"

Anyway, I heard recently he got caught bad-mouthing the office/program to his students (which he does a lot) and tried to cover it up by saying that he never said that. But someone said "Then where did they get that from? Why would they come in here and say 'he told me that...', unless you did?" He was caught. Now I hear that he's "under a microscope". GOOD! He should have been fired for something he did a LONG time ago. But, I'll leave that story for another post.

HUH!?!?

In class today there was a discussion of breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, and amongst the usual comments someone said "I think the bottle is better because what if you're dumb, the baby will be dumb." She thought you could pass on your "dumbness" to your baby through breastfeeding! A-mazing, simply amazing.